Handling the setbacks

Each day as I stay home with my kiddos I strive to complete certain tasks to be able to live in a cleaner environment and also to have a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day. Without doing these things, they end up as clutter in my mind, an endless list of things I need to get done, clouding my thoughts throughout the day and leading to a more stressful home. Currently with a newborn in the house, this list is rather small but still important. Everyday I need to do dishes, clean up any garbage or food left over from meals and sticky toddler fingers, sweep the kitchen and wipe down the table, the latter happening several times during the course of a day. On my list of things to try to get to are laundry, cleaning up toys, vacuuming, bathrooms and as such they only get accomplished every few days or weekly depending on which chore needs the most attention.

Some days, I get the minimum accomplished or perhaps am even able to get something off of the extended list done but more often than not I'm apologizing to my husband and myself at the end of the day. It usually goes something like this, "Oh, sorry! I meant to get that done today but Toddlerboy was clingy and grumpy, the Bigs were fighting nonstop and I just didn't get to finish it." And then it hit me....

If we look beyond the outward appearance, what did I really accomplish today? Certainly loving and comforting a teething toddler is chock full of importance. Teaching children how to navigate troublesome relationship woes and modeling connection and compromise are infinitely more important than some pile of clothing that needs to be folded. So why is it that at the end of the day, the feeling of accomplishment only comes from completing physical tasks? I believe it is only because of the value I place, and perhaps society at large, on these domestic duties as some sort of measurement of our success as mothers. You can see whether there is a large pile of clothes to be folded or dishes in the sink to be washed but the nurturing of children is often unseen.

So I'm embarking to change my mental attitude towards what constitutes a successful day. Doing such will, I believe, make me feel like less of a failure and also change the whole atmosphere of our home. Instead of feeling as though the kids fighting is a distraction or delay to my laundry folding quest, and therefore an annoyance and a setback to my goals; I can look at it as an opportunity for connection and learning. I won't have to use scolding or physical separation of them from eachother or from me so that I can get back to that all important task of not feeling like a failure because I don't have to use chores as a measurement of my value as a mother.

So yes, my house may never be spotlessly clean but it is a chaotic harmony. Just clean enough to live comfortably, just dirty enough to give me time to love on my children.